boyfriend, the latest, Uncategorized

what your choice of dating site says about you

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I’m (OBVIOUSLY) no stranger to dating apps. In fact, I’ve tried just about every single one. In using everything from Tinder to OkCupid, I’ve learned a thing or two about the kinds of people each app attracts. Here, what your preferred app says about Y-O-U.

1. Bumble

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You’re an over-achiever. All of your social media platforms are totally professional, and there isn’t a keg stand photo of you to be found on the Internet. If you’re a female user, you’re cool, confident, and collected–and if you’ve managed to get lucky on Bumble, I’m betting you have a stockpile of witty pick-up lines (please send over). If you’re a male user, you’ve either been raised to appreciate women or are lazy AF.

2. Tinder

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You’re not here for anything serious. Chances are, you like the instant gratification of swiping and matching with someone, and have a hard time making long-term commitments. You’re likely a nomad, jack-of-all trades, who can’t stay in one place for too long. If you’re a male user, you’re drawn to Tinder by its ease of use and unspoken promise of a hook-up.

3. OkCupid

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You prefer browsing singles on desktop rather than mobile, or maybe you like the flexibility to do both. If you’re a male user, you’re highly aggressive–since you don’t have to “match” with someone before you start a convo, you can literally message anybody. If you’re a female user, you probably know someone who met their husband on OkCupid (literally a one in a million chance), and joined with a faint hope of finding something real. Also, you probably like attention since you’ll get approximately 400 messages a day.

4. Happn

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This one is for anyone who regularly trolls the missed connections section on Craigslist (guilty 🙋). You’re a hopeless romantic who believes in fate and chance encounter. Good luck out there.

5. Match

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You’re ready for commitment and financially stable enough to pay for a dating site membership. You’ve probably used all of the above apps to no avail, and finally caved for something that promises results. You’re someone who doesn’t like bullshit, and regularly mutters “I’m too old for this.”

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

expectations vs. reality

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I’m a romantic. If you’ve spent any time on this blog, or know me IRL, that should be pretty obvious. I believe in soulmates. I believe in fate. I read my horoscope regularly (though I take it with a grain of salt). I don’t think anything is a coincidence. I try so incredibly hard to be a Samantha, but I’ll always be a Carrie…mixed with a little Miranda minus the haircut.

Right after I deleted Tinder, I got into the “hanging out” phase of dating someone. We met through the app, and went on our first date shortly after I moved to my new neighborhood. I wasn’t enthralled or super impressed by his online profile–he seemed kind of hipster, his job title had “freelance” in it (I usually go for investment banker types), and it took him hours to answer my messages. But the bar he suggested was within walking distance and I didn’t have any other plans on Wednesday night, so why not?

Chemistry is 100% a thing–someone can be perfect on paper for you, and you can have a perfectly delightful time at dinner, but if there isn’t a spark, I’m 0% interested in pursuing it. So I was pleasantly surprised when I met this guy who was as tall as he said he was and smiled at me like I was the prettiest girl he ever saw. The good vibes continued when I learned we had the same birthday. And the flame grew brighter when we watched Netflix at his house and I discovered that he watches TV with closed-captioning, too.

We seemed to like each other so much and get along so well–I would talk for hours about nothing, and he would just listen and smile at me. He sings in a band and when I listened to the album alone in my room I cried because I liked it so much.

But just like everything else in my life, expectations exceeded reality. Though he’s 7 years older than me, he still acts like a 19-year-old boy. There is no semblance of commitment, of wanting something more. Why didn’t he want to come to Brooklyn Flea with me? Or go to the movies? Why won’t he always answer my texts? Why doesn’t he like any of my Instagram pictures? And the biggest question of all…why am I still chasing him?

Around the same time, I met someone else–someone who adamantly expresses how interested he was in me, wants to take me on all these exciting dates, is professional and ambitious and texts me everyday…yet he doesn’t look at me the same way and doesn’t seem interested in what I have to say. I’m still more attracted to this other boy who disappears for days on end. Is it because my fate-driven perspective feels there’s some deeper connection? Even though he’s someone who makes me feel distant, insecure, and insignificant?

I’ve been trying really hard to be the “cool girl.” To go with the flow, be casual and nonchalant when in reality a thousand questions and worries and insecurities are eating me up inside. Why are we drawn to people who have so little to offer us?

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

things guys pretend to hate but really don’t

I feel like I talk (bitch, whine, complain) a lot about trying to figure guys out. Why are they so douchey? Why do they like one night stands? Why doesn’t Jim Halpert exist in real life? I’ve also started to realize that guys claim to “hate” a lot of things that are actually impossible to hate. Here are 5 of those things, dissected.

1. Brunch.

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Ok, like what person doesn’t like brunch? Like, if you’re not into waiting for a table at The Smith for an hour and dropping $16 on a mimosa, that’s totally fine–but how do you not like French toast? Or omelets? Or bacon–don’t all guys have to pretend to be rampant carnivores to satisfy their idea of masculinity? Sure, a big reason why I like brunch is because breakfast food is aesthetically appealing so it makes for a super cute Instagram post. But I also really ****ing love Belgian waffles and drinking before noon.

2. Champagne.

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Speaking of mimosas, why do guys pretend to hate champagne? I’m a little more understanding of people who don’t like wine (OK, I don’t really get it but whatever), but champagne is like grown-up soda. It’s fizzy and delicious and is almost the same color as beer, so let’s get with the program, please. Plus, pop a bottle open to instantly get the party started.

3. Romantic comedies.

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Everyone knows that rom-coms aren’t cinematic masterpieces. When I suggest watching one, I’m not trying to impress you with my artistic taste, I’m trying to cozy up for 90 minutes of heartfelt viewing. I watch them because they’re endearing, you don’t have to pay a ton of attention, and they usually make me smile. Liking 13 Going on 30 or You’ve Got Mail or Sleepless in Seattle doesn’t make you less of a man! Now come watch Love Actually with me.

4. Cupcakes.

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Literally bye. It’s a cup of cake.

5. Friends.

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Try not laughing at Chandler’s joked. If you don’t laugh, don’t talk to me, because this will never work out.

Follow new york is my boyfriend on Instagram.

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

why fall is the worst time to be single

Something about football season, cozy clothes, and Instagrammable leaves makes fall seem like a great time to be in a relationship…not that I’m in one. I remember starting my first year of college and assuming I would have a boyfriend to bring home to meet my parents over Thanksgiving weekend. I literally laughed out loud as I wrote that. Anyway, here are some reasons why being single in my favorite season is worse than any other time of year.

1. You don’t have a cute significant other to take pumpkin patch pics with, so your Instagram game is suffering.

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2. You don’t have someone to steal oversize flannel shirts from.

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3. Another year of not being part of a couples Halloween costume.

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4. The holidays are coming up, so you know your extended family is going to be questioning your perennial singleness.

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5. It suddenly seems like everybody is in a relationship except you, so you spend your nights drinking white wine alone in your apartment.

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6. Love Actually is back on Netflix, and you don’t have anyone to watch it with. (Actually, I can’t even get my mom to watch this with me so idk how valid this complaint is.)

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

anatomy of a finance douche

NYC is home to a specific breed of a (not so) gentleman I like to call the “finance douche.” Thanks to Wall Street and all of the major banks that call New York home, there are an incredible amount of guys who work “in finance” doing something that makes a ridiculous amount of money without needing to be especially smart. Here’s what makes them tick.

1. They (obviously) studied Finance in college.Or maybe Econ if they couldn’t get into the business program. Probably a private university in the Northeast, maybe Georgetown or UVA.

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2. Interned at Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan. AKA fucked around for a summer on someone else’s dime.

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3. Lives in Murray Hill, FiDI or the Upper East Side with at least two of his college buddies. The rest live in a 4-block radius. They still play beer pong on Sunday afternoons.

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4. Their favorite topic of conversations are a) drunk frat shenanigans; b) Microsoft Excel; c) their alcoholic boss.

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5. Totes an Amex that has an annual fee higher than your rent.

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6. Studied abroad in Dublin or London and doesn’t remember any of it.

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7. Wears Chubbies in a non-ironic way.

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8. Smokes occasional cigarettes in an ironic way.

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Check our more NYC stereotypes here

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

why i deleted tinder

I’ve blogged quite a bit in the past about my experience using Tinder (and even checking out Bumble, Match.com, and some other sites). Lately, I have been feeling really “over” the idea of dating, especially via mobile app. Since getting a real job and becoming more of an adult, I’ve decided to start investing more in myself–whether it’s pursuing creative pursuits (like this one) or making time for things that are important to me.

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When I first downloaded Tinder, it was little more than a game. Of course, there was that lurking, secret desire that I’d find my soulmate through a silly app, but that hope has pretty much been dashed. My dating experience over the past two years has been filled with a lot of first dates, a lot of mixed signals, and ultimately, a lot of my time, energy, and emotions being wasted. I have no interest in waiting around for my phone to buzz or wondering if I said the wrong thing or acted the wrong way.

I recently saw a post on Man Repeller that really just hit home for me. “We need a romance revolution. No more games, no more guessing and no more wondering. We should all say how we feel, and not be afraid to say, “I love you.” Let’s commit to relationships! And treat each other equally.” Amen, Brisa Gomez. In the meantime, the swiping and super-liking are on hold, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be just fine.

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boyfriend, the latest

the most important thing i learned in college

In my last year of college, I took intro to journalism. Yep, INTRO to Journalism just a few months before I graduated. (Sidebar: The class was mostly seniors, so I guess it’s common to save specific concentration courses for the final semesters…once all the rigorous liberal arts curriculum has been completed.) I loved this course, and it reminded why I chose my Communications/Journalism major–why after years of people telling me what a great writer I am, I put two and two together and decided to pursue something I was actually good at. A big reason why I enjoyed this class so much was the very down-to-earth professor I had. She was a Fordham alum, who started teaching after working in news radio for a while, but was still young enough to be fun and approachable.

Since the class was mostly seniors, our final session was reserved for an advice session from our professor. She gave a lot of useful advice, but one thing really stuck out to me: the pace of our lives. Until now, everyone’s lives moved at the same pace. All of my friends and I started high school at the same time. We started getting jobs and babysitting at the same time. We took driver’s ed and got our licenses at the same time. We graduated in four years, bound for college straightaway. Even though we ventured far away from one another, we all graduated on time and many of us even studied abroad the same semester. In essence, the timing of our lives lined up perfectly.

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But now, my professor said, there’s no longer a set path–things are going to start happening at a different pace for everyone. People will get married a year after graduation, or ten years after, or never. Other people will start having babies, or buying cars and houses, or move to Prague to teach English. The point is that just because someone else does one or all of these things before you, it doesn’t mean that you’re behind, or that you’re missing something or living your life wrong.

This realization was super significant for me. I always feel frantic when my friends start new relationships or get new jobs because I feel like I skipped a step, like I missed a class and now I won’t do as well on the final exam. It’s hard to sign into Facebook and see photos from someone’s bridal shower, or posts of someone else’s fancy new apartment, or hear about yet another person’s promotion at work. Just because it’s not happening to you, doesn’t mean that you’re falling behind in life (at least according to Professor J.). I’m a big believer in following my gut, and I’m also a big believer in putting my happiness first. Everything else will come when the time’s right.

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