boyfriend, the latest, Uncategorized

what your choice of dating site says about you

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I’m (OBVIOUSLY) no stranger to dating apps. In fact, I’ve tried just about every single one. In using everything from Tinder to OkCupid, I’ve learned a thing or two about the kinds of people each app attracts. Here, what your preferred app says about Y-O-U.

1. Bumble

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You’re an over-achiever. All of your social media platforms are totally professional, and there isn’t a keg stand photo of you to be found on the Internet. If you’re a female user, you’re cool, confident, and collected–and if you’ve managed to get lucky on Bumble, I’m betting you have a stockpile of witty pick-up lines (please send over). If you’re a male user, you’ve either been raised to appreciate women or are lazy AF.

2. Tinder

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You’re not here for anything serious. Chances are, you like the instant gratification of swiping and matching with someone, and have a hard time making long-term commitments. You’re likely a nomad, jack-of-all trades, who can’t stay in one place for too long. If you’re a male user, you’re drawn to Tinder by its ease of use and unspoken promise of a hook-up.

3. OkCupid

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You prefer browsing singles on desktop rather than mobile, or maybe you like the flexibility to do both. If you’re a male user, you’re highly aggressive–since you don’t have to “match” with someone before you start a convo, you can literally message anybody. If you’re a female user, you probably know someone who met their husband on OkCupid (literally a one in a million chance), and joined with a faint hope of finding something real. Also, you probably like attention since you’ll get approximately 400 messages a day.

4. Happn

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This one is for anyone who regularly trolls the missed connections section on Craigslist (guilty 🙋). You’re a hopeless romantic who believes in fate and chance encounter. Good luck out there.

5. Match

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You’re ready for commitment and financially stable enough to pay for a dating site membership. You’ve probably used all of the above apps to no avail, and finally caved for something that promises results. You’re someone who doesn’t like bullshit, and regularly mutters “I’m too old for this.”

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

expectations vs. reality

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I’m a romantic. If you’ve spent any time on this blog, or know me IRL, that should be pretty obvious. I believe in soulmates. I believe in fate. I read my horoscope regularly (though I take it with a grain of salt). I don’t think anything is a coincidence. I try so incredibly hard to be a Samantha, but I’ll always be a Carrie…mixed with a little Miranda minus the haircut.

Right after I deleted Tinder, I got into the “hanging out” phase of dating someone. We met through the app, and went on our first date shortly after I moved to my new neighborhood. I wasn’t enthralled or super impressed by his online profile–he seemed kind of hipster, his job title had “freelance” in it (I usually go for investment banker types), and it took him hours to answer my messages. But the bar he suggested was within walking distance and I didn’t have any other plans on Wednesday night, so why not?

Chemistry is 100% a thing–someone can be perfect on paper for you, and you can have a perfectly delightful time at dinner, but if there isn’t a spark, I’m 0% interested in pursuing it. So I was pleasantly surprised when I met this guy who was as tall as he said he was and smiled at me like I was the prettiest girl he ever saw. The good vibes continued when I learned we had the same birthday. And the flame grew brighter when we watched Netflix at his house and I discovered that he watches TV with closed-captioning, too.

We seemed to like each other so much and get along so well–I would talk for hours about nothing, and he would just listen and smile at me. He sings in a band and when I listened to the album alone in my room I cried because I liked it so much.

But just like everything else in my life, expectations exceeded reality. Though he’s 7 years older than me, he still acts like a 19-year-old boy. There is no semblance of commitment, of wanting something more. Why didn’t he want to come to Brooklyn Flea with me? Or go to the movies? Why won’t he always answer my texts? Why doesn’t he like any of my Instagram pictures? And the biggest question of all…why am I still chasing him?

Around the same time, I met someone else–someone who adamantly expresses how interested he was in me, wants to take me on all these exciting dates, is professional and ambitious and texts me everyday…yet he doesn’t look at me the same way and doesn’t seem interested in what I have to say. I’m still more attracted to this other boy who disappears for days on end. Is it because my fate-driven perspective feels there’s some deeper connection? Even though he’s someone who makes me feel distant, insecure, and insignificant?

I’ve been trying really hard to be the “cool girl.” To go with the flow, be casual and nonchalant when in reality a thousand questions and worries and insecurities are eating me up inside. Why are we drawn to people who have so little to offer us?

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

why i deleted tinder

I’ve blogged quite a bit in the past about my experience using Tinder (and even checking out Bumble, Match.com, and some other sites). Lately, I have been feeling really “over” the idea of dating, especially via mobile app. Since getting a real job and becoming more of an adult, I’ve decided to start investing more in myself–whether it’s pursuing creative pursuits (like this one) or making time for things that are important to me.

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When I first downloaded Tinder, it was little more than a game. Of course, there was that lurking, secret desire that I’d find my soulmate through a silly app, but that hope has pretty much been dashed. My dating experience over the past two years has been filled with a lot of first dates, a lot of mixed signals, and ultimately, a lot of my time, energy, and emotions being wasted. I have no interest in waiting around for my phone to buzz or wondering if I said the wrong thing or acted the wrong way.

I recently saw a post on Man Repeller that really just hit home for me. “We need a romance revolution. No more games, no more guessing and no more wondering. We should all say how we feel, and not be afraid to say, “I love you.” Let’s commit to relationships! And treat each other equally.” Amen, Brisa Gomez. In the meantime, the swiping and super-liking are on hold, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be just fine.

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boyfriend, the latest

the most important thing i learned in college

In my last year of college, I took intro to journalism. Yep, INTRO to Journalism just a few months before I graduated. (Sidebar: The class was mostly seniors, so I guess it’s common to save specific concentration courses for the final semesters…once all the rigorous liberal arts curriculum has been completed.) I loved this course, and it reminded why I chose my Communications/Journalism major–why after years of people telling me what a great writer I am, I put two and two together and decided to pursue something I was actually good at. A big reason why I enjoyed this class so much was the very down-to-earth professor I had. She was a Fordham alum, who started teaching after working in news radio for a while, but was still young enough to be fun and approachable.

Since the class was mostly seniors, our final session was reserved for an advice session from our professor. She gave a lot of useful advice, but one thing really stuck out to me: the pace of our lives. Until now, everyone’s lives moved at the same pace. All of my friends and I started high school at the same time. We started getting jobs and babysitting at the same time. We took driver’s ed and got our licenses at the same time. We graduated in four years, bound for college straightaway. Even though we ventured far away from one another, we all graduated on time and many of us even studied abroad the same semester. In essence, the timing of our lives lined up perfectly.

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But now, my professor said, there’s no longer a set path–things are going to start happening at a different pace for everyone. People will get married a year after graduation, or ten years after, or never. Other people will start having babies, or buying cars and houses, or move to Prague to teach English. The point is that just because someone else does one or all of these things before you, it doesn’t mean that you’re behind, or that you’re missing something or living your life wrong.

This realization was super significant for me. I always feel frantic when my friends start new relationships or get new jobs because I feel like I skipped a step, like I missed a class and now I won’t do as well on the final exam. It’s hard to sign into Facebook and see photos from someone’s bridal shower, or posts of someone else’s fancy new apartment, or hear about yet another person’s promotion at work. Just because it’s not happening to you, doesn’t mean that you’re falling behind in life (at least according to Professor J.). I’m a big believer in following my gut, and I’m also a big believer in putting my happiness first. Everything else will come when the time’s right.

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missed connections

7/1/16

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We’ve all had those moments of total exhaustion–those instants where you could fall asleep at the drop of a hat, whether you’re under-caffeinated at your office or overeating popcorn at the movies. In high school, I would literally fall asleep sitting in class (what was with 7am attendance?!).

One of the places where I struggle to stay awake every morning is on the train to work. My commute is painfully long, and I usually only have time to drink one cup of coffee before leaving the house (not my preferred three). I stay awake on the subway by playing games on my phone or reading, but almost every day I see somebody doze off, their head falling to their neighbor’s shoulder before jolting awake from either embarrassment or a not-so-smooth train ride.

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Last week, a mega-hot guy who was clearly overworked dozed off a number of times in the packed train car, and his head landed on my shoulder more than once. I had no complaints…in a city where everyone can seem so cold, it’s a gentle reminder of humanity.

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missed connections

6.27.16

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Have you ever observed someone for a matter of minutes and just know you’d get along? Like, I’m pretty sure that’s how friendships work. You pick people who seem cool and decide that you want them to be in your life even if you’ve only known them for a short time (I met my college best friend literally the third day of school). And the only requirement for someone to be my friend is to have a similar sense of humor to mine.

So, seeing a hipster guy reading Why Not Me when I looked up from my game of Tetris made my heart beat a little faster. Mindy Project and chill?

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Follow the missed connections series here, or submit your own via email.

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missed connections, the latest

missed connections

Years ago, I remember coming across an article in the New York Times featuring an illustrator who became inspired by everyone’s favorite section on Craigslist–the “missed connections.” I was in my early years of high school at this point, and was immediately enthralled by this concept. I’ve said before that I’m a hopeless romantic, and it was (and still is) so endearing to me that someone could be captivated enough by a passing stranger to write an anonymous note to them on the Internet.

Even now, whenever I see a handsome stranger in line with me at Starbucks, or notice someone’s stare lingering on me while I play Tetris on the 4 train, I ponder this idea of the “missed connection.” As I’ve gotten older, I’ve also realized how small the world really is. I mean, people say “it’s a small world” all the time, but it really is pretty damn small. Everyone knows somebody, or somebody who knows somebody else, or somebody who knows that somebody. In an era where every answer can be found with a few clicks and keywords, where everybody is constantly connecting and networking, how is it possible that any interaction isn’t “meant to be?”

Anyone see that movie Serendipity? It’s super corny, but the premise is the same–though it’s the pre-iPhone era when the Internet was still up-and-coming. Two people meet when they’re fighting over a pair of gloves at Bloomingdale’s, and Kate Beckinsale is totally obsessed with the concept of fate. She and John Cusack run all over NYC having a good old romantic time (ice skating, frozen hot chocolate, etc.), and when it’s time to part ways, she writes her phone number on a $10 bill before spending it. You get it–if their relationship is meant to be, that $10 will find its way back to Mr. Cusack.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. The point of this post is to introduce a new series on the blog: my missed connections. I see enough hot guys everyday and spend a lot of time thinking they’re my soulmates, so now I’m going to share them with all of you.

*Also, this is a chance for YOU to contribute to New York Is My Boyfriend! Send in your missed connection and I will (probably) feature it right here.

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