boyfriend, Uncategorized

expectations vs. reality

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I’m a romantic. If you’ve spent any time on this blog, or know me IRL, that should be pretty obvious. I believe in soulmates. I believe in fate. I read my horoscope regularly (though I take it with a grain of salt). I don’t think anything is a coincidence. I try so incredibly hard to be a Samantha, but I’ll always be a Carrie…mixed with a little Miranda minus the haircut.

Right after I deleted Tinder, I got into the “hanging out” phase of dating someone. We met through the app, and went on our first date shortly after I moved to my new neighborhood. I wasn’t enthralled or super impressed by his online profile–he seemed kind of hipster, his job title had “freelance” in it (I usually go for investment banker types), and it took him hours to answer my messages. But the bar he suggested was within walking distance and I didn’t have any other plans on Wednesday night, so why not?

Chemistry is 100% a thing–someone can be perfect on paper for you, and you can have a perfectly delightful time at dinner, but if there isn’t a spark, I’m 0% interested in pursuing it. So I was pleasantly surprised when I met this guy who was as tall as he said he was and smiled at me like I was the prettiest girl he ever saw. The good vibes continued when I learned we had the same birthday. And the flame grew brighter when we watched Netflix at his house and I discovered that he watches TV with closed-captioning, too.

We seemed to like each other so much and get along so well–I would talk for hours about nothing, and he would just listen and smile at me. He sings in a band and when I listened to the album alone in my room I cried because I liked it so much.

But just like everything else in my life, expectations exceeded reality. Though he’s 7 years older than me, he still acts like a 19-year-old boy. There is no semblance of commitment, of wanting something more. Why didn’t he want to come to Brooklyn Flea with me? Or go to the movies? Why won’t he always answer my texts? Why doesn’t he like any of my Instagram pictures? And the biggest question of all…why am I still chasing him?

Around the same time, I met someone else–someone who adamantly expresses how interested he was in me, wants to take me on all these exciting dates, is professional and ambitious and texts me everyday…yet he doesn’t look at me the same way and doesn’t seem interested in what I have to say. I’m still more attracted to this other boy who disappears for days on end. Is it because my fate-driven perspective feels there’s some deeper connection? Even though he’s someone who makes me feel distant, insecure, and insignificant?

I’ve been trying really hard to be the “cool girl.” To go with the flow, be casual and nonchalant when in reality a thousand questions and worries and insecurities are eating me up inside. Why are we drawn to people who have so little to offer us?

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missed connections

7/1/16

shoulder

We’ve all had those moments of total exhaustion–those instants where you could fall asleep at the drop of a hat, whether you’re under-caffeinated at your office or overeating popcorn at the movies. In high school, I would literally fall asleep sitting in class (what was with 7am attendance?!).

One of the places where I struggle to stay awake every morning is on the train to work. My commute is painfully long, and I usually only have time to drink one cup of coffee before leaving the house (not my preferred three). I stay awake on the subway by playing games on my phone or reading, but almost every day I see somebody doze off, their head falling to their neighbor’s shoulder before jolting awake from either embarrassment or a not-so-smooth train ride.

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Last week, a mega-hot guy who was clearly overworked dozed off a number of times in the packed train car, and his head landed on my shoulder more than once. I had no complaints…in a city where everyone can seem so cold, it’s a gentle reminder of humanity.

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places, Uncategorized

death by apartment hunting

I think it was Carrie Bradshaw who said that everyone in New York is always looking for either a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment. Or something like that. You all know I’ve been looking for a boyfriend, but my most recent crisis is finding a new place to live. The lease is up on my Bronx college apartment next month, so I’m frantically searching for something that lives up to my (way too high) expectations. After four years of living with roommates, I was hoping to be able to find an affordable studio apartment so I could fly solo, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. How TF did Carrie do it?

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Most of my classmates are from the tri-state area, so they’re able to move back home and commute to NYC. Unfortunately, I don’t have that option–this is the only time I’ll ever regret not being from New Jersey. To make matters worse, many of the places I’ve found are only available for the rest of the summer, and since I need a July move-in date, I’m feeling pretty screwed. And what is with people having cats? I’m super allergic (plus terrified of litter boxes), and every other apartment listing on Craigslist says “must love cats.” If it’s not a cat, it’s a fourth floor walk-up. Or a $100 credit check. Or a 15% broker fee.

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Like, I’ve given up on having an exposed brick wall and a walk-in closet–but why is it so difficult to find a room big enough for my twin-sized bed and bureau without borrowing money from my parents? If you have any tips or need a roommate (I cook! I bake! I make great cocktails! I always have wine!) hit me up ASAP.

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

ya, i’m still dating NYC

The title of this blog implies a certain level of single-ness…or at least I think it does. I say that new york is my boyfriend because I love NYC more than I’ve ever loved any guy. Our relationship is exciting, full of new things and opportunities, and is the longest romance I’ve been in. But as my real-life romantic interactions get more and more disappointing, I can’t help but feel I’m doing something wrong.

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I always joke to my friends that if I ever get married, I’m still going to have my own bedroom. I told my mom the other day that in my ideal marriage, my husband would travel 364 days a year. I value my privacy and independence, and I have a hard time believing that I’ll ever meet a guy who I’d want to share an apartment with for the rest of my life.

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But as I binge-watch The Office for the third time and swoon over Jim and Pam’s relationship once again, I can’t help but wonder: When is it going to be my turn to be chased? When will a guy like me enough to spend months courting me, trying to make me laugh, showing how much he cares about me? I really don’t expect much, but I would be cool with finding someone to go to the movies with once in a while.

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I wish Carrie Bradshaw knew what Tinder was so she could help a girl out.

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the latest, Uncategorized

internet faves

The last few weeks have been kind of rough (idk if you saw my last post), but thankfully, the Internet is always there for me. I thought I’d share some things from the great worldwide web that are bringing a smile to my face on this sunny Sunday.

This post about my favorite blogger + her adorable baby.

This adorableness that is currently my only bookmarked page.

This adorable video about my favorite (and the cutest) Internet sensation.

This website that educates people about where our food comes from–in the sweetest possible way.

This nifty cocktail video from one of my favorite brands.

This quiz from Cosmo featuring my second favorite Sex & the City character. (Apparently I’m “a playful poolside fling with Richard.” Debatable.)

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pin-spiration, the latest, Uncategorized

pin-spiration: pretty passages

If you follow me on Instagram, you probably know that I quite frequently post cute quotes and funny text posts. Pinterest is a great place to find these sweet sayings, so this week I’m sharing some of my favorites for installment no.3 of my “pin-spiration” series.

1. Julia Child’s eternally relevant proverb…because people who like to eat are always the best people. (And the ones who drink wine).

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2. You should have been expecting it…my “words” board is full of travel quotes. It’s so bittersweet to look back at posts from a year ago, when I was running around all over Europe.

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3. Have to give a shout out to Carrie Bradshaw, who is a major inspiration for this entire blog. And gotta say thanks for validating my online shopping addiction.987d1d414ec6f852fcd675135a64086e.jpg

4. Mindy Kaling is such an inspiration to me. This quote perfectly represents everything I hope is true about her, and I try to hard to be this kind of girl.

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5. My fifth grade teacher shared this with us in a lesson about gratitude. Every time I stumble upon it, whether on Facebook or Pinterest, I remember sitting cross-legged in my Montessori classroom, and the message becomes more powerful.

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Need more inspo? Check out new york is my boyfriend on Tumblr & Instagram.

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the latest

single ! and fabulous!!

It’s been a while. I’m so sorry…especially if I ever amassed any followers. The summer and fall have been a whirlwind; between taking 18 credits, interning twice a week, and working part time, there’s hardly time to breathe, let alone blog. But I am definitely going to be trying to be more active on here. My internship has given me a lot of opportunities to write, and it’s made me remember how much I love it and that I miss blogging. So, I’m going to be here a lot more often.

My professional/educational/adult-ish life has never been better, but my personal/romantic life is in shambles. You’re looking at a girl who has 3,542 Tinder matches as of 9:49pm on November 5, 2015. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again–dating in NYC is brutal. I’ve gone on a pretty decent amount of Tinder dates since the semester started, and even a few second and third dates. And I’ve started to realize that I am partly at fault for my single-ness…until a few weeks ago, I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, but after the third date with a guy who, on paper, is perfect for me, the epiphany hit.

It doesn’t matter if a guy is tall enough, rich enough, smart enough, and polite enough if you inherently don’t enjoy their company. Even if he wants the same number of kids as you and shares your passion for Dunkin’ coffee. Whenever we spent time together, the only thought that crossed my mind was “this is settling.” Not because he wasn’t conventionally handsome, or a little overweight, not because he had only-child syndrome, not because he didn’t get my jokes…there was just something missing.tumblr_n0xozxq0r11tohmdxo1_500

You’re supposed to marry your best friend, right? So I guess that’s the kind of guy I should start looking for. I’m more interested in being with someone who is ok with the fact that I don’t talk all the time, instead of asking me why I’m so quiet. And conversely, someone who understands that sometimes I talk too fast and too much. I’m not interested in being in a relationship that will define who I am and prevent me from doing everything I want to in this lifetime. Finally getting to work in my dream industry has made me realize that I am capable of achieving my dreams, and the possibility of that is more important to me than anything else.

After being in Europe and traveling and seeing all of the places I’d dreamed about for my whole life, I started to think that I spent too much time looking for someone else instead of doing things for myself. When I got home from semester abroad, I resolved to be more self-confident, to put myself first, and to be assertive. This mindset combined with confidence I’ve gained in my new job have really helped…getting rejected hurts a little less these days.

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