boyfriend

weird things you (i) think about when you (i) start dating someone

1. What’s the one thing I do that will make him never text me again?

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2. If I’m not his top friend on Snapchat, who is?

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3. Is he still using Tinder? Should I still be using Tinder?

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4. When am I supposed to start insisting to pay for dinner?

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5. Am I the only person he’s dating?

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6. Where is this going?

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7. When things end, is he going to unfollow me on Instagram?

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8. Why am I psychotic?

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what your choice of dating site says about you

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I’m (OBVIOUSLY) no stranger to dating apps. In fact, I’ve tried just about every single one. In using everything from Tinder to OkCupid, I’ve learned a thing or two about the kinds of people each app attracts. Here, what your preferred app says about Y-O-U.

1. Bumble

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You’re an over-achiever. All of your social media platforms are totally professional, and there isn’t a keg stand photo of you to be found on the Internet. If you’re a female user, you’re cool, confident, and collected–and if you’ve managed to get lucky on Bumble, I’m betting you have a stockpile of witty pick-up lines (please send over). If you’re a male user, you’ve either been raised to appreciate women or are lazy AF.

2. Tinder

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You’re not here for anything serious. Chances are, you like the instant gratification of swiping and matching with someone, and have a hard time making long-term commitments. You’re likely a nomad, jack-of-all trades, who can’t stay in one place for too long. If you’re a male user, you’re drawn to Tinder by its ease of use and unspoken promise of a hook-up.

3. OkCupid

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You prefer browsing singles on desktop rather than mobile, or maybe you like the flexibility to do both. If you’re a male user, you’re highly aggressive–since you don’t have to “match” with someone before you start a convo, you can literally message anybody. If you’re a female user, you probably know someone who met their husband on OkCupid (literally a one in a million chance), and joined with a faint hope of finding something real. Also, you probably like attention since you’ll get approximately 400 messages a day.

4. Happn

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This one is for anyone who regularly trolls the missed connections section on Craigslist (guilty 🙋). You’re a hopeless romantic who believes in fate and chance encounter. Good luck out there.

5. Match

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You’re ready for commitment and financially stable enough to pay for a dating site membership. You’ve probably used all of the above apps to no avail, and finally caved for something that promises results. You’re someone who doesn’t like bullshit, and regularly mutters “I’m too old for this.”

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a surefire sign of adulthood: getting real with your eating habits

It hit me the other day when I was checking out at Trader Joe’s that I eat like a five-year-old. I always have mini pizza bites and Morningstar buffalo wings in my freezer, and regularly eat a bowl of plain rice, polenta, or cereal for dinner. I drink apple juice out of boxes marketed for schoolchildren, and my favorite lunch is grilled cheese and tomato soup.

It’s weird because sometimes I feel like I come off as someone who’s all about organic food, loves to try new vegetables, and shops at farmer’s markets. All of these things are mostly true–but I also realized I’ve gotten to the point where I’m realistic about how and what I eat. Like when I make a salad at work–a year ago I would have loaded it up with a little bit of everything, and then ended up picking around certain things. I like the idea of tomatoes, but I’m not one to pop cherry tomatoes for a snack. And I’m probably only going to want one slice of cucumber. AND I’ll probably avoid that hard-boiled egg.

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This mentality of having an internal discussion about what I’m actually going to eat has translated to grocery shopping. You know those cardboard cartons of soup? I’m not gonna finish that before it expires. I’ll probably heat up one bowl, and then forget about it in the back of the fridge. Bagged lettuce? No way am I going to eat all that before it starts turning brown and squelchy. (Wow, for a food writer, these descriptions are on freaking point.)

I deeply believe that life is all about balance. Sure, I’ll have Kraft mac & cheese for dinner every once in a while, but I also eat a banana for breakfast everyday. I ate a donut yesterday, but I also spent 45 minutes in a cycling class. So even though, @TraderJoesCashier, the only things in my shopping basket the other day were cookie butter, Gouda cheese, avocados, yogurt, and fruit leather, I PROMISE you I bought a salad for lunch every day this week.

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why chandler bing is low-key the perfect guy

I still can’t believe that the first time I watched Friends I thought Ross was the cutest guy on the show. In my high school years, I was all about Joey, since he was a famous actor and all, but in college I moved on to Chandler. Cushy finance job? Check! Makes me LOL? Check! Is insecure enough to be desperate? Double check! Here are 8 reasons why Chandler Bing is the perfect man (despite his unfortunate sounding name).

1. He’s funny AF.

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2. His hair is always on point.

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3. He’s not just another finance guy.

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4. He quit his job to pursue his passion.

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5. He always says what he’s thinking.

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6. He’s a great cuddler.

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7. He’s an amazing dancer.

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8. And a great friend.

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Follow new york is my boyfriend on Instagram. 

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why fall is the worst time to be single

Something about football season, cozy clothes, and Instagrammable leaves makes fall seem like a great time to be in a relationship…not that I’m in one. I remember starting my first year of college and assuming I would have a boyfriend to bring home to meet my parents over Thanksgiving weekend. I literally laughed out loud as I wrote that. Anyway, here are some reasons why being single in my favorite season is worse than any other time of year.

1. You don’t have a cute significant other to take pumpkin patch pics with, so your Instagram game is suffering.

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2. You don’t have someone to steal oversize flannel shirts from.

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3. Another year of not being part of a couples Halloween costume.

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4. The holidays are coming up, so you know your extended family is going to be questioning your perennial singleness.

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5. It suddenly seems like everybody is in a relationship except you, so you spend your nights drinking white wine alone in your apartment.

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6. Love Actually is back on Netflix, and you don’t have anyone to watch it with. (Actually, I can’t even get my mom to watch this with me so idk how valid this complaint is.)

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anatomy of an acquaintance vs. a friend

I remember my mom using the term “acquaintance” a lot, mostly referring to my elementary school classmates who were loud and messy that she didn’t want me to have playdates with. I feel like I’m in a really weird, transitional time in terms of my social life. My closest friends no longer live in NYC, and while I feel like I’m “friendly” with a lot of people, there are definitely some differences between people you call acquaintances and those you call friends.

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1. It’s normal to have a conversation via email with an acquaintance, but you’re not even sure if you have you BFF’s current email address. That’s what texting is for, no?

2. Instagram comments = for friends (unless you’re drunk and feeling generous).

3. They’re your friend if you tag them in 4 dozen memes on Facebook everyday.

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4. They’re an acquaintance if you don’t feel comfortable talking about your finances with them.

5. They’re an acquaintance if you’d rather not sit next to them on your commute.

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6. Drunk snapchatting is a sure sign of friendship.

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anatomy of a finance douche

NYC is home to a specific breed of a (not so) gentleman I like to call the “finance douche.” Thanks to Wall Street and all of the major banks that call New York home, there are an incredible amount of guys who work “in finance” doing something that makes a ridiculous amount of money without needing to be especially smart. Here’s what makes them tick.

1. They (obviously) studied Finance in college.Or maybe Econ if they couldn’t get into the business program. Probably a private university in the Northeast, maybe Georgetown or UVA.

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2. Interned at Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan. AKA fucked around for a summer on someone else’s dime.

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3. Lives in Murray Hill, FiDI or the Upper East Side with at least two of his college buddies. The rest live in a 4-block radius. They still play beer pong on Sunday afternoons.

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4. Their favorite topic of conversations are a) drunk frat shenanigans; b) Microsoft Excel; c) their alcoholic boss.

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5. Totes an Amex that has an annual fee higher than your rent.

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6. Studied abroad in Dublin or London and doesn’t remember any of it.

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7. Wears Chubbies in a non-ironic way.

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8. Smokes occasional cigarettes in an ironic way.

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Check our more NYC stereotypes here. 

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