boyfriend, the latest, Uncategorized

what your choice of dating site says about you

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I’m (OBVIOUSLY) no stranger to dating apps. In fact, I’ve tried just about every single one. In using everything from Tinder to OkCupid, I’ve learned a thing or two about the kinds of people each app attracts. Here, what your preferred app says about Y-O-U.

1. Bumble

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You’re an over-achiever. All of your social media platforms are totally professional, and there isn’t a keg stand photo of you to be found on the Internet. If you’re a female user, you’re cool, confident, and collected–and if you’ve managed to get lucky on Bumble, I’m betting you have a stockpile of witty pick-up lines (please send over). If you’re a male user, you’ve either been raised to appreciate women or are lazy AF.

2. Tinder

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You’re not here for anything serious. Chances are, you like the instant gratification of swiping and matching with someone, and have a hard time¬†making long-term commitments. You’re likely a nomad, jack-of-all trades, who can’t stay in one place for too long. If you’re a male user, you’re drawn to Tinder by its ease of use and unspoken promise of a hook-up.

3. OkCupid

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You prefer browsing singles on desktop rather than mobile, or maybe you like the flexibility to do both. If you’re a male user, you’re highly aggressive–since you don’t have to¬†“match” with someone before you start a convo, you can literally message anybody. If you’re a female user, you probably know someone who met their husband on OkCupid (literally a one in a million chance), and joined with a faint hope of finding something real. Also, you probably like attention since you’ll get approximately 400 messages a day.

4. Happn

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This one is for anyone who regularly trolls the missed connections section on Craigslist (guilty ūüôč). You’re a hopeless romantic who believes in fate and chance encounter. Good luck out there.

5. Match

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You’re ready for commitment and financially stable enough to pay for a dating site membership. You’ve probably used all of the above apps to no avail, and finally caved for something that promises results. You’re someone who doesn’t like bullshit, and regularly mutters “I’m too old for this.”

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

anatomy of a finance douche

NYC is home to a specific breed of a (not so) gentleman I like to call the “finance douche.” Thanks to Wall Street and all of the major banks that call New York home, there are an incredible amount of guys who work “in finance” doing something that makes a ridiculous amount of money without needing to be especially smart. Here’s what makes them tick.

1. They (obviously) studied Finance in college.Or maybe Econ if they couldn’t get into the business program.¬†Probably a private university in the Northeast, maybe Georgetown or UVA.

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2. Interned at Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan. AKA fucked around for a summer on someone else’s dime.

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3. Lives in Murray Hill, FiDI or the Upper East Side with at least two of his college buddies. The rest live in a 4-block radius. They still play beer pong on Sunday afternoons.

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4. Their favorite topic of conversations are a) drunk frat shenanigans; b) Microsoft Excel; c) their alcoholic boss.

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5. Totes an Amex that has an annual fee higher than your rent.

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6. Studied abroad in Dublin¬†or London and doesn’t remember any of it.

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7. Wears Chubbies in a non-ironic way.

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8. Smokes occasional cigarettes in an ironic way.

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Check our more NYC stereotypes here. 

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the latest, Uncategorized

excuses for canceling plans

I can’t say if I’ve used any or all of these, but when I’m feeling anti-social it’s always good to have an excuse stored in the back of my brain. Here are some of my best (?) ideas for getting out of an awkward blind date, a party for a co-worker you’ve never spoken to or 10am brunch when you’re hungover.

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1. You’re super sore from Pure Barre.

2. You forgot you promised your roommate you’d go to dinner with her for her birthday.

3. You have a Skype interview with a company in China (time differences, man).

4. It’s your time of the month.

5. You’re locked out of your apartment.

6. Your wallet got stolen and you only have $3.91 in loose change.

7. You have to stay home to let the cable guy in.

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8. Damn, you JUST ordered Thai food on Seamless.

9. The new Frank Ocean album is making you cry.

10. You ate too many free bagels at work and none of your going-out clothes fit.

Here’s to a Friday¬†night in!

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the latest, Uncategorized

what to do in NYC when it’s 96 degrees

The past few days have been brutal here in New York, especially in my un-air conditioned apartment. Taking the subway to work in 90+ degree weather = arriving at my office¬†with my make-up melted off and frizzy hair. Even just sitting still in my apartment is sweat-inducing, so here are six great (?) things to do in NYC when it’s too hot to move.

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1. Sit in Starbucks for three hours “working.”

2. Eat ice cream.

3. Make new playlists on Spotify.

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4. Go to the movies.

5. Spend $100 at H&M online.

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6. Try to hang out with someone who has AC.

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the latest, Uncategorized

why kris jenner is all of us

I’m a big fan of the Kardashian clan. It’s mostly fascination–I’m constantly awestruck by the insane amount of money they have, the press’s constant invasion of their personal lives, and (of course) their beauty. Khloe’s butt = alllllll my squat goals. But out of the whole family, Kris is my favorite. She is totally and completely insane in the best way possible. #DrunkAllDay.

1. When she had to prove how cool she was.

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2. When she understood your FOMO better than anybody.

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3. When she had to sit in traffic–just like you. (OK, she was in a Bentley).

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4. When she tried to take the great outdoors.

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5. When she was on a diet but still trying to get wasted.

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6. When she was a total stage mom.

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7. When she had a chance to show off her hidden talent.

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All gifs from giphy.

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