illustration by Marilena Perelli
illustration by Marilena Perelli
photo via allthebuildingsinnewyork.com
I have caught myself missing new york several times. Several heart-tugging, gut-wrenching times…wondering why I “gave up” something I’d dreamed of for my whole life: living in NEW YORK CITY. I tear up thinking about my favorite places that are no longer just a subway ride away (I’m crying about Lil’ Frankie’s pizza right now), and miss the rush of pride I got from telling people that yes, I do live in New York.
But then I remember why I left. I enjoy being alone, but I felt truly lonely. Every relationship that I thought had potential ended up being a dead end. My closest friends from college left New York after graduation, so I felt like I didn’t have anyone to confide in.
I hate admitting to myself that I did the easy thing by leaving. I’ve thought of a thousand reasons to justify my decision (“better quality of life!” “too expensive!” “i’m over it!”) and am still struggling to accept that the real reasons were these overwhelming feelings of loneliness and just wanting to give up.
The reality is, I have been in a significantly better place, mental health-wise, since moving away. I booked a trip to Iceland with one of my friends on a whim (checking off those resolutions!) and feel that I have more control of where my careers is going. I feel like I finally have time to have a “normal” routine and schedule, not to mention a support system (hi mom and dad).
I don’t regret leaving, but I’ll be back there soon enough…or whenever I start making enough money to live by myself.
Thanks to a new Amazon Prime membership, I recently binge-watched all six seasons of Sex and the City. (No, I don’t have a life.) I’ve always been a fan of the show, but watched it rather sporadically, enjoying a re-run here and there instead of following it serially. Regardless, my recent bingeing and seasoned dating experience have given me a fresh perspective as to which men are worthy and which are trash.
1. Smith Jerrod
Smith did NOT get enough air time. Hotness aside, he was hands down the sweetest guy in all six seasons of SATC. He stuck by Samantha not just through cancer, but during a relapse with Richard (trash). Not to mention that he was totally unthreatened by Samantha’s success, didn’t care that tabloids thought he was gay, and worked super hard in his own career.
2. Steve Brady
Another under-appreciated gem is bartender Steve, who Miranda is literally so rude to until the last season. It was pretty inevitable that they would end up together, since they had a kid and all, but it’s impossible not to melt when Steve tells her that she’s “the one” at Brady’s birthday party. Also, Miranda totally dismissed him for wanting to be a career bartender, and in the meantime he opens his own super successful bar.
3. Harry Goldenblatt
I’ve always been a sucker for Harry – the reason for his mid-range rating is because he wouldn’t marry Charlotte unless she converted to Judaism. I believe in soulmates and true love, but that really might have been a deal breaker for me. Regardless, he’s super sweet to her, despite how embarrassed she is of him when they first start dating. I love an underdog, and Harry is the ultimate.
4. Aiden Shaw
I know everyone loves Aiden, but there were some red flags about him from day one. He wouldn’t date Carrie because she was a smoker, and TBH he was pretty rude about it. The relationship was a low point for Carrie as well, since she cheated on him, but I always thought Aiden was pretty immature. He was constantly threatened by Big (maybe rightfully so), which came off as petty and childish. Oh, and he nearly booted Carrie from her apartment.
5. Trey MacDougal
Pretty bad. He and his mother were both totally unsupportive of Charlotte’s reproductive challenges, and were annoyingly traditional. Also, he claimed he was a “non-sexual person” and wouldn’t sleep with his WIFE, who caught him getting off to a dirty magazine in their bathroom. The only reason he’s not at the bottom of this list is because he let Charlotte keep that amazing apartment.
6. Jack Berger
Berger is the wooooorst. Threatened by Carrie’s success, listened to frog sounds to fall asleep, and totally hung up on his ex. And he broke up with her on a fucking post-it. Bye.
If you’re not a seasoned SATC viewer, you probably think Big and Carrie’s relationship is super romantic. After close and careful analysis, I can safely say that this relationship was damaging and draining for both parties, more so for Carrie. Big obviously had serious commitment issues, but cast Carrie aside to marry 27-year-old Natasha. The only reason he’s not last is that he always encouraged and supported Carrie’s writing career.
8. Aleksandr Petrovsky
Carrie should have kept him as a “lover” and stopped him from moving on to boyfriend status. She candidly told him that she didn’t want to rule out having kids, and he shut her down. He convinced her to go to Paris and left her wandering Chanel and the streets alone. He was rude to her friends, caused her to miss deadlines, and made her eat lunch alone with his ex-wife.
I have always craved stability. When I graduated from college, all I wanted in the world was a standard 9-5 job. Though I didn’t land my dream job, I made enough money to pay rent, ball out a little, and still had time to work on my side hustle. I’ve since upgraded to a new position, but still feel like something is missing from my life.
Totally opposite to my craving for stability is my desire for a life worth living–and a fear of “settling.” One full of adventure, envy-inducing Instagram posts, and stories that will shock my grandchildren in 50 years. While I feel so incredibly fortunate to even be employed, I still feel like something is missing. I wish so badly that I would be content working at a desk job and living the suburbs. Life would be so much easier, but I know that it would kill me a little bit.
When I was still in school, I remember looking at people like Yoga Girl and Chelsie Antos, waiting for it to be my turn to teach yoga in Aruba or go RVing around America with my hot husband. While neither of those things specifically will probably ever happen to me, you get the idea. I wanted to be mildly responsible, get my degree, make some money, and then start exploring the world. Now, I want my life to have a little more purpose: for myself (selfishly), and for others (also kind of selfish).
Until I can start making big moves (i.e. waiting for my lease to run out), I would love to hear your ideas for keeping life exciting in the space between M-F, 9-5.
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I always loved grocery shopping. Even after working at the local supermarket in high school and in the summer when I came home from college, I was never wary of the shiny linoleum aisles and well-stocked shelves.
This is because grocery shopping in a pleasant suburb is completely unlike shopping in New York. Suburban supermarkets get those cool, limited edition products (like peppermint Chobani) while NYC vendors sell crap you forgot existed (remember Kudos bars?). And then there are the prices. $7.99 for a half-gallon of ice cream. $4.99 for a gallon of milk. $7 for a carton of strawberries. All of these things are usually around $3 at my hometown grocery store.
At the store in my hometown, you can push a full-sized shopping cart down each wide aisle, taking your time to choose the right items. You can buy 12-pack cans of soda, 16-count packs of paper towels, and other heavy items, knowing you just have to wheel them out to your SUV and drive home, traffic-free. In New York, I can only buy what I can carry (unless I spring for an Uber).
But it gets worse…the crowds! I have never found NYC to be overwhelmingly crowded, except in midtown during the holidays. Trader Joe’s on a Saturday afternoon is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. When I lived in Brooklyn, the TJ’s closest to me would sometimes have a line of people outside, waiting to go in. Inside the store, the line wraps through the aisles–you’re better off grabbing a basket, hopping in line, and shopping as you weave throughout the store. Whole Foods has an insane (but effective) color-coded system for sending shoppers to open registers, but there is almost ALWAYS a line.
People say that living in a city is worth it for its conveniences, but man, oh man, what I wouldn’t give for an afternoon at Market Basket.
Well…2016 is finally coming to an end. I think a lot of people have mixed feelings about this past year–for me, it was definitely a rollercoaster. SO much has changed in the last twelve months. I graduated from college, got a 9-5 job, and moved twice. It’s kind of crazy how unprepared I felt for it all, and how many added responsibilities I now have.
2016 coming to an end has me thinking about where I’ll be this time next year. There are still a lot of things I want to do, like get a Master’s degree and live abroad (maybe I can combine these two…), so who knows if either of those will become a reality over the next twelve months.
This time of year is always overwhelming, between Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s eve, and my birthday (it’s a busy two months!), but I wanted to take time to make a list of my resolutions for 2017.
1. Have dates with myself. I’ve found myself wistfully scrolling through Instagram and seeing cool gallery exhibits, pop-up eateries, and outdoor installations, yet never actually go to these things–even though tons of them are right here in NYC! I want to make more of an effort to actually go to these kinds of things, even if I can’t find someone else who wants to tag along.
2. Get my finances in order. I started working on this a few months ago when I realized that I have to pay taxes (yay, freelancing!). But I definitely want to get my expenses in order so I can invest and save the rest.
3. STOP CARING ABOUT BOYS! I literally sound like a broken record but I am so sick of spending time and energy on dead-end relationships. I promise to work on this so I can stop whining about it…