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can’t stop, won’t stop (thinking)

One of my earliest and most meaningful memories is from a school assembly I went to as a kindergarten student. I have no idea what the premise was for gathering a group of 5-12 year olds in the school’s gymnasium, but I clearly remember one woman introducing another–I couldn’t tell you whether they were firefighters giving a safety presentation or teachers being presented with awards, but the way this woman was introduced *literally* impacted my life. She was presented to myself and my fidgety, cross-legged sitting classmates as someone whose brain never shuts off, someone who is constantly thinking.

For some reason, this struck a chord with five-year-old me. I wanted to be the kind of person who was always thinking, the kind of person who woke up in the middle of the night with a great idea and kept a notepad on theirĀ nightstand to record those inconvenient moments of brilliance. Whether or not my brain works this way because of this assembly, I’ll never know, but itĀ literally never shuts off. I’m not saying I’m a genius because I’m definitely not, but I am constantly thinking, and it’s actually super annoying.

Most of the ideas I have for posts on this blog come from random thoughts I have while binge-watching Family Guy at 2am or staring at my ceiling, sleeplessness c/o caffeine overdoses and insomnia. When I have new ideas for posts, I have to write a note to myself on my phone–plenty of times, I told myself I’d remember the next morning, but sure enough, those thoughts were lost to the void. Of course, quite often when I later look at the notes I typed when I was half-asleep, they’re incoherent and a little amusing.

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I like to tell prospective employers that I’m the kind of person who’s never not working–and it’s true. I may work 9-5 in an office everyday, but when I’m not freezing to death at my desk I’m pitching and writingĀ freelance pieces or pouring my heart into this blog. My brain is also never not working, though not always productively. I’m constantly thinking about the future, overthinking the past, and under-thinking how much sleep I need.

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