boyfriend, the latest

the (most important) men of ‘sex & the city,’ ranked by me

Thanks to a new Amazon Prime membership, I recently binge-watched all six seasons of Sex and the City. (No, I don’t have a life.) I’ve always been a fan of the show, but watched it rather sporadically, enjoying a re-run here and there instead of following it serially. Regardless, my recent bingeing and seasoned dating experience have given me a fresh perspective as to which men are worthy and which are trash.

1. Smith Jerrod

Smith did NOT get enough air time. Hotness aside, he was hands down the sweetest guy in all six seasons of SATC. He stuck by Samantha not just through cancer, but during a relapse with Richard (trash). Not to mention that he was totally unthreatened by Samantha’s success, didn’t care that tabloids thought he was gay, and worked super hard in his own career.

2. Steve Brady

Another under-appreciated gem is bartender Steve, who Miranda is literally so rude to until the last season. It was pretty inevitable that they would end up together, since they had a kid and all, but it’s impossible not to melt when Steve tells her that she’s “the one” at Brady’s birthday party. Also, Miranda totally dismissed him for wanting to be a career bartender, and in the meantime he opens his own super successful bar.

3. Harry Goldenblatt

I’ve always been a sucker for Harry – the reason for his mid-range rating is because he wouldn’t marry Charlotte unless she converted to Judaism. I believe in soulmates and true love, but that really might have been a deal breaker for me. Regardless, he’s super sweet to her, despite how embarrassed she is of him when they first start dating. I love an underdog, and Harry is the ultimate.

4. Aiden Shaw

I know everyone loves Aiden, but there were some red flags about him from day one. He wouldn’t date Carrie because she was a smoker, and TBH he was pretty rude about it. The relationship was a low point for Carrie as well, since she cheated on him, but I always thought Aiden was pretty immature. He was constantly threatened by Big (maybe rightfully so), which came off petty and childish. Oh, and he nearly booted Carrie from her apartment.

5. Trey MacDougal

Pretty bad. He and his mother were both totally unsupportive of Charlotte’s reproductive challenges, and were annoyingly traditional. Also, he claimed he was a “non-sexual person” and wouldn’t sleep with his WIFE, who caught him getting off to a dirty magazine in their bathroom. The only reason he’s not at the bottom of this list is because he let Charlotte keep that amazing apartment.

6. Jack Berger

Berger is the wooooorst. Threatened by Carrie’s success, listened to frog sounds to fall asleep, and totally hung up on his ex. And he broke up with her on a fucking post-it. Bye.

7. Big

If you’re not a seasoned SATC viewer, you probably think Big and Carrie’s relationship is super romantic. After close and careful analysis, I can safely say that this relationship was damaging and draining for both parties, more so for Carrie. Big obviously had serious commitment issues, but cast Carrie aside to marry 27-year-old Natasha. The only reason he’s not last is that he was always super encouraging of her career.

8. Aleksandr Petrovsky

Carrie should have kept him as a “lover” and stopped him from moving on to boyfriend status. She candidly told him that she didn’t want to rule out having kids, and he shut her down. He convinced her to go to Paris and left her wandering Chanel and the streets alone. He was rude to her friends, caused her to miss deadlines, and made her eat lunch alone with his ex-wife.

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

expectations vs. reality

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I’m a romantic. If you’ve spent any time on this blog, or know me IRL, that should be pretty obvious. I believe in soulmates. I believe in fate. I read my horoscope regularly (though I take it with a grain of salt). I don’t think anything is a coincidence. I try so incredibly hard to be a Samantha, but I’ll always be a Carrie…mixed with a little Miranda minus the haircut.

Right after I deleted Tinder, I got into the “hanging out” phase of dating someone. We met through the app, and went on our first date shortly after I moved to my new neighborhood. I wasn’t enthralled or super impressed by his online profile–he seemed kind of hipster, his job title had “freelance” in it (I usually go for investment banker types), and it took him hours to answer my messages. But the bar he suggested was within walking distance and I didn’t have any other plans on Wednesday night, so why not?

Chemistry is 100% a thing–someone can be perfect on paper for you, and you can have a perfectly delightful time at dinner, but if there isn’t a spark, I’m 0% interested in pursuing it. So I was pleasantly surprised when I met this guy who was as tall as he said he was and smiled at me like I was the prettiest girl he ever saw. The good vibes continued when I learned we had the same birthday. And the flame grew brighter when we watched Netflix at his house and I discovered that he watches TV with closed-captioning, too.

We seemed to like each other so much and get along so well–I would talk for hours about nothing, and he would just listen and smile at me. He sings in a band and when I listened to the album alone in my room I cried because I liked it so much.

But just like everything else in my life, expectations exceeded reality. Though he’s 7 years older than me, he still acts like a 19-year-old boy. There is no semblance of commitment, of wanting something more. Why didn’t he want to come to Brooklyn Flea with me? Or go to the movies? Why won’t he always answer my texts? Why doesn’t he like any of my Instagram pictures? And the biggest question of all…why am I still chasing him?

Around the same time, I met someone else–someone who adamantly expresses how interested he was in me, wants to take me on all these exciting dates, is professional and ambitious and texts me everyday…yet he doesn’t look at me the same way and doesn’t seem interested in what I have to say. I’m still more attracted to this other boy who disappears for days on end. Is it because my fate-driven perspective feels there’s some deeper connection? Even though he’s someone who makes me feel distant, insecure, and insignificant?

I’ve been trying really hard to be the “cool girl.” To go with the flow, be casual and nonchalant when in reality a thousand questions and worries and insecurities are eating me up inside. Why are we drawn to people who have so little to offer us?

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pin-spiration, Uncategorized

long live the mule!

This semi-pinspiration post is dedicated to my all-time favorite shoe: the mule. As someone who is just over 5 feet tall, I’m always looking for shoes that give me a little extra height without being over-the-top. I bought a pair of black mules about a year and a half ago (does that make me a trendsetter?) because I loved the manageable heel and retro vibe…plus they were on sale at H&M.

The chunky, reasonable heel height on these shoes makes them comfortable enough to wear all day, and the style is chic enough to wear for date-night. I’m currently lusting after these Marais sandals, and this Man Repeller feature seriously made me consider investing in a pair. Here are some of my other favorite mules this season:

  1. These Loeffler Randall slides. (Thanks for the inspo, Oh Joy!)
  2. These suede Jeffrey Campbell beauties.
  3. These Steve Madden mules that are straight out of Jackie Burkhart’s closet.
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boyfriend, Uncategorized

why i deleted tinder

I’ve blogged quite a bit in the past about my experience using Tinder (and even checking out Bumble, Match.com, and some other sites). Lately, I have been feeling really “over” the idea of dating, especially via mobile app. Since getting a real job and becoming more of an adult, I’ve decided to start investing more in myself–whether it’s pursuing creative pursuits (like this one) or making time for things that are important to me.

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When I first downloaded Tinder, it was little more than a game. Of course, there was that lurking, secret desire that I’d find my soulmate through a silly app, but that hope has pretty much been dashed. My dating experience over the past two years has been filled with a lot of first dates, a lot of mixed signals, and ultimately, a lot of my time, energy, and emotions being wasted. I have no interest in waiting around for my phone to buzz or wondering if I said the wrong thing or acted the wrong way.

I recently saw a post on Man Repeller that really just hit home for me. “We need a romance revolution. No more games, no more guessing and no more wondering. We should all say how we feel, and not be afraid to say, “I love you.” Let’s commit to relationships! And treat each other equally.” Amen, Brisa Gomez. In the meantime, the swiping and super-liking are on hold, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be just fine.

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missed connections

7/1/16

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We’ve all had those moments of total exhaustion–those instants where you could fall asleep at the drop of a hat, whether you’re under-caffeinated at your office or overeating popcorn at the movies. In high school, I would literally fall asleep sitting in class (what was with 7am attendance?!).

One of the places where I struggle to stay awake every morning is on the train to work. My commute is painfully long, and I usually only have time to drink one cup of coffee before leaving the house (not my preferred three). I stay awake on the subway by playing games on my phone or reading, but almost every day I see somebody doze off, their head falling to their neighbor’s shoulder before jolting awake from either embarrassment or a not-so-smooth train ride.

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Last week, a mega-hot guy who was clearly overworked dozed off a number of times in the packed train car, and his head landed on my shoulder more than once. I had no complaints…in a city where everyone can seem so cold, it’s a gentle reminder of humanity.

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missed connections, the latest

missed connections

Years ago, I remember coming across an article in the New York Times featuring an illustrator who became inspired by everyone’s favorite section on Craigslist–the “missed connections.” I was in my early years of high school at this point, and was immediately enthralled by this concept. I’ve said before that I’m a hopeless romantic, and it was (and still is) so endearing to me that someone could be captivated enough by a passing stranger to write an anonymous note to them on the Internet.

Even now, whenever I see a handsome stranger in line with me at Starbucks, or notice someone’s stare lingering on me while I play Tetris on the 4 train, I ponder this idea of the “missed connection.” As I’ve gotten older, I’ve also realized how small the world really is. I mean, people say “it’s a small world” all the time, but it really is pretty damn small. Everyone knows somebody, or somebody who knows somebody else, or somebody who knows that somebody. In an era where every answer can be found with a few clicks and keywords, where everybody is constantly connecting and networking, how is it possible that any interaction isn’t “meant to be?”

Anyone see that movie Serendipity? It’s super corny, but the premise is the same–though it’s the pre-iPhone era when the Internet was still up-and-coming. Two people meet when they’re fighting over a pair of gloves at Bloomingdale’s, and Kate Beckinsale is totally obsessed with the concept of fate. She and John Cusack run all over NYC having a good old romantic time (ice skating, frozen hot chocolate, etc.), and when it’s time to part ways, she writes her phone number on a $10 bill before spending it. You get it–if their relationship is meant to be, that $10 will find its way back to Mr. Cusack.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. The point of this post is to introduce a new series on the blog: my missed connections. I see enough hot guys everyday and spend a lot of time thinking they’re my soulmates, so now I’m going to share them with all of you.

*Also, this is a chance for YOU to contribute to New York Is My Boyfriend! Send in your missed connection and I will (probably) feature it right here.

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places, Uncategorized

death by apartment hunting

I think it was Carrie Bradshaw who said that everyone in New York is always looking for either a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment. Or something like that. You all know I’ve been looking for a boyfriend, but my most recent crisis is finding a new place to live. The lease is up on my Bronx college apartment next month, so I’m frantically searching for something that lives up to my (way too high) expectations. After four years of living with roommates, I was hoping to be able to find an affordable studio apartment so I could fly solo, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. How TF did Carrie do it?

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Most of my classmates are from the tri-state area, so they’re able to move back home and commute to NYC. Unfortunately, I don’t have that option–this is the only time I’ll ever regret not being from New Jersey. To make matters worse, many of the places I’ve found are only available for the rest of the summer, and since I need a July move-in date, I’m feeling pretty screwed. And what is with people having cats? I’m super allergic (plus terrified of litter boxes), and every other apartment listing on Craigslist says “must love cats.” If it’s not a cat, it’s a fourth floor walk-up. Or a $100 credit check. Or a 15% broker fee.

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Like, I’ve given up on having an exposed brick wall and a walk-in closet–but why is it so difficult to find a room big enough for my twin-sized bed and bureau without borrowing money from my parents? If you have any tips or need a roommate (I cook! I bake! I make great cocktails! I always have wine!) hit me up ASAP.

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