boyfriend, the latest, Uncategorized

what your choice of dating site says about you

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I’m (OBVIOUSLY) no stranger to dating apps. In fact, I’ve tried just about every single one. In using everything from Tinder to OkCupid, I’ve learned a thing or two about the kinds of people each app attracts. Here, what your preferred app says about Y-O-U.

1. Bumble

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You’re an over-achiever. All of your social media platforms are totally professional, and there isn’t a keg stand photo of you to be found on the Internet. If you’re a female user, you’re cool, confident, and collected–and if you’ve managed to get lucky on Bumble, I’m betting you have a stockpile of witty pick-up lines (please send over). If you’re a male user, you’ve either been raised to appreciate women or are lazy AF.

2. Tinder

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You’re not here for anything serious. Chances are, you like the instant gratification of swiping and matching with someone, and have a hard time making long-term commitments. You’re likely a nomad, jack-of-all trades, who can’t stay in one place for too long. If you’re a male user, you’re drawn to Tinder by its ease of use and unspoken promise of a hook-up.

3. OkCupid

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You prefer browsing singles on desktop rather than mobile, or maybe you like the flexibility to do both. If you’re a male user, you’re highly aggressive–since you don’t have to “match” with someone before you start a convo, you can literally message anybody. If you’re a female user, you probably know someone who met their husband on OkCupid (literally a one in a million chance), and joined with a faint hope of finding something real. Also, you probably like attention since you’ll get approximately 400 messages a day.

4. Happn

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This one is for anyone who regularly trolls the missed connections section on Craigslist (guilty 🙋). You’re a hopeless romantic who believes in fate and chance encounter. Good luck out there.

5. Match

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You’re ready for commitment and financially stable enough to pay for a dating site membership. You’ve probably used all of the above apps to no avail, and finally caved for something that promises results. You’re someone who doesn’t like bullshit, and regularly mutters “I’m too old for this.”

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

expectations vs. reality

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I’m a romantic. If you’ve spent any time on this blog, or know me IRL, that should be pretty obvious. I believe in soulmates. I believe in fate. I read my horoscope regularly (though I take it with a grain of salt). I don’t think anything is a coincidence. I try so incredibly hard to be a Samantha, but I’ll always be a Carrie…mixed with a little Miranda minus the haircut.

Right after I deleted Tinder, I got into the “hanging out” phase of dating someone. We met through the app, and went on our first date shortly after I moved to my new neighborhood. I wasn’t enthralled or super impressed by his online profile–he seemed kind of hipster, his job title had “freelance” in it (I usually go for investment banker types), and it took him hours to answer my messages. But the bar he suggested was within walking distance and I didn’t have any other plans on Wednesday night, so why not?

Chemistry is 100% a thing–someone can be perfect on paper for you, and you can have a perfectly delightful time at dinner, but if there isn’t a spark, I’m 0% interested in pursuing it. So I was pleasantly surprised when I met this guy who was as tall as he said he was and smiled at me like I was the prettiest girl he ever saw. The good vibes continued when I learned we had the same birthday. And the flame grew brighter when we watched Netflix at his house and I discovered that he watches TV with closed-captioning, too.

We seemed to like each other so much and get along so well–I would talk for hours about nothing, and he would just listen and smile at me. He sings in a band and when I listened to the album alone in my room I cried because I liked it so much.

But just like everything else in my life, expectations exceeded reality. Though he’s 7 years older than me, he still acts like a 19-year-old boy. There is no semblance of commitment, of wanting something more. Why didn’t he want to come to Brooklyn Flea with me? Or go to the movies? Why won’t he always answer my texts? Why doesn’t he like any of my Instagram pictures? And the biggest question of all…why am I still chasing him?

Around the same time, I met someone else–someone who adamantly expresses how interested he was in me, wants to take me on all these exciting dates, is professional and ambitious and texts me everyday…yet he doesn’t look at me the same way and doesn’t seem interested in what I have to say. I’m still more attracted to this other boy who disappears for days on end. Is it because my fate-driven perspective feels there’s some deeper connection? Even though he’s someone who makes me feel distant, insecure, and insignificant?

I’ve been trying really hard to be the “cool girl.” To go with the flow, be casual and nonchalant when in reality a thousand questions and worries and insecurities are eating me up inside. Why are we drawn to people who have so little to offer us?

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

anatomy of a finance douche

NYC is home to a specific breed of a (not so) gentleman I like to call the “finance douche.” Thanks to Wall Street and all of the major banks that call New York home, there are an incredible amount of guys who work “in finance” doing something that makes a ridiculous amount of money without needing to be especially smart. Here’s what makes them tick.

1. They (obviously) studied Finance in college.Or maybe Econ if they couldn’t get into the business program. Probably a private university in the Northeast, maybe Georgetown or UVA.

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2. Interned at Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan. AKA fucked around for a summer on someone else’s dime.

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3. Lives in Murray Hill, FiDI or the Upper East Side with at least two of his college buddies. The rest live in a 4-block radius. They still play beer pong on Sunday afternoons.

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4. Their favorite topic of conversations are a) drunk frat shenanigans; b) Microsoft Excel; c) their alcoholic boss.

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5. Totes an Amex that has an annual fee higher than your rent.

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6. Studied abroad in Dublin or London and doesn’t remember any of it.

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7. Wears Chubbies in a non-ironic way.

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8. Smokes occasional cigarettes in an ironic way.

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Check our more NYC stereotypes here

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

why i deleted tinder

I’ve blogged quite a bit in the past about my experience using Tinder (and even checking out Bumble, Match.com, and some other sites). Lately, I have been feeling really “over” the idea of dating, especially via mobile app. Since getting a real job and becoming more of an adult, I’ve decided to start investing more in myself–whether it’s pursuing creative pursuits (like this one) or making time for things that are important to me.

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When I first downloaded Tinder, it was little more than a game. Of course, there was that lurking, secret desire that I’d find my soulmate through a silly app, but that hope has pretty much been dashed. My dating experience over the past two years has been filled with a lot of first dates, a lot of mixed signals, and ultimately, a lot of my time, energy, and emotions being wasted. I have no interest in waiting around for my phone to buzz or wondering if I said the wrong thing or acted the wrong way.

I recently saw a post on Man Repeller that really just hit home for me. “We need a romance revolution. No more games, no more guessing and no more wondering. We should all say how we feel, and not be afraid to say, “I love you.” Let’s commit to relationships! And treat each other equally.” Amen, Brisa Gomez. In the meantime, the swiping and super-liking are on hold, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be just fine.

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

ya, i’m still dating NYC

The title of this blog implies a certain level of single-ness…or at least I think it does. I say that new york is my boyfriend because I love NYC more than I’ve ever loved any guy. Our relationship is exciting, full of new things and opportunities, and is the longest romance I’ve been in. But as my real-life romantic interactions get more and more disappointing, I can’t help but feel I’m doing something wrong.

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I always joke to my friends that if I ever get married, I’m still going to have my own bedroom. I told my mom the other day that in my ideal marriage, my husband would travel 364 days a year. I value my privacy and independence, and I have a hard time believing that I’ll ever meet a guy who I’d want to share an apartment with for the rest of my life.

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But as I binge-watch The Office for the third time and swoon over Jim and Pam’s relationship once again, I can’t help but wonder: When is it going to be my turn to be chased? When will a guy like me enough to spend months courting me, trying to make me laugh, showing how much he cares about me? I really don’t expect much, but I would be cool with finding someone to go to the movies with once in a while.

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I wish Carrie Bradshaw knew what Tinder was so she could help a girl out.

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

tinder PTSD

Some days it really feels like human decency is dead. I hung out with this guy I met on Tinder a couple of times, and didn’t really feel a connection. So I said I wasn’t interested, and he wished me good luck on my job search–and then told me I wouldn’t have much luck because he “knows people.” Getting this text the day before an important interview made my stress shoot through the roof. I’m still confused and hurt by this…is it blackmail? Though I don’t see how he’d have anything to use against me. Is it because I wasn’t interested? Because I didn’t “put out?”I’m literally just totally disgusted and have no idea how to react.

I’ve been working so. damn. hard for the past four years, and am just super paranoid about doing anything to mess up my future…and now I guess I have to be paranoid about someone else messing it up for me. I shouldn’t even be dignifying this exchange with a blog post, but I just needed a place to vent–after all, this corner of the Internet belongs entirely to ME. I don’t really think his influence will affect my career pursuits…I think my experience speaks more to who I am than any single person ever could. Especially somebody who’s that contemptible. Accepting advice & virtual hugs.

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boyfriend, Uncategorized

phases of a tinder date

Lately, dating has felt like a necessary evil. It’s a constant battle of not wanting to be alone forever, but also not wanting to be in awkward dinner-date situations. I’ve talked about Tinder before…but here are some thoughts I always have before going on (almost) any date!

1. The preparation. What if you’re not as hot IRL as you are in your pics?! Better put on extra mascara. And that push-up bra.

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2. The nerves. What if he doesn’t think you’re hot? What if you get catfished? What if he’s mega-creepy? Not trying to have a phone call with Nev tomorrow morning.

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3. The second-guessing. This is legit so weird. There wasn’t a Sex & the City episode to prepare you for this one. Maybe you should just brush your teeth and call it a night.

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4. The drinking. After pouring a glass of chard to calm your nerves, you’re feeling like a million bucks. Let’s do this. Who knows–he could be the love of your life!

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5. The meet-up. Do you wait inside the bar or on the street corner? Who’s name are the reservations under? Should you call him or just frantically text until you can ID him? Do you shake hands? Hug? Double cheek kiss? HELP.

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6. The conversation. Oh, he has a big family? Like you didn’t spend an hour creeping on his Instagram and already know he has four siblings & a beach house on Fire Island.

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7. The good-bye. To kiss or not to kiss? Heading home and eating Doritos sounds pretty good right about now.

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All gifs from GIPHY.

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